Slacker, slacker...

So much for my determination to keep up with my blog. Shame, shame, I need to be put in timeout. LOL! I've just been feeling down lately :( And tired. And just all around lazy. So I didn't want to write any blogs. Besides, they'd probably have been so depressing everyone would become emo. So think of my hiatus as a blessing. 
My poor husband has had to listen to me sob and cry every night for the past week, and I'm sure he's sick of it. So today, after waking up at 11:15am, I made a resolution to *try* and be more positive. And amazingly, today has been an awesome day! I guess sleeping til almost noon can do that to ya, huh? Thankfully my two year old sleeps like his momma, so he was asleep when I got up! Anyway

My husband has been a busy, busy man this week. He had a KIA funeral, and had body watch for the 2 days before the funeral. Up at 5 and home at 10 makes for a very, very exhausted man. Then it was drill weekend starting Friday. Into work at 5 am, having to stay overnight, then not home until 9:30 pm, followed by a wake-up call at 4:45, telling him he needed to be in by 5:30.. And still not home at 4:49pm. Add into that a colicky 7 week old and a two-year old with night frights just doesn't make life joyous. So I was down. I missed my husband, I was exhausted, I was cooped up. Blah.

And I find myself, yet again, dealing with post-partum depression. :( Not as bad as with my son, thankfully. But still bad enough. I've been crying over having two kids. Over having no friends. And over being in college for 3 years with nothing to show for it. Well, except two kids, of course. Damnit, I want my nursing degree. Almost as bad as I want some freaking friends!!! But I digress. I randomly find myself crying because my son can't have all my attention and my daughter is crying. My husband is trying his hardest to make life easy, but when you're exclusively breastfeeding and against using bottles, there's only so much he can do. And listening to your daughter howl in the middle of the night is stressful. It breaks your heart, while making you angry all at the same time. Angry she won't shut up and let you sleep, angry you can't console your own kid. All the while breaking your heart because you know she's in pain, and you know you can't console her. Talk about feeling like a failure. And I admit, there were times I just wanted to throw her. I screamed, I cried, I told my husband I hated, hated, HATED being a mother. Welcome to the world of post-partum ladies. It's not pretty. Do I love my daughter? With all my heart. Her and her brother are my LIFE. I live for them and their accomplishments bring joy to my life. They're what I wake up for everyday, what I strive to make my life better for. But is it hard for me while dealing with this depression? Of course. Don't judge me if you haven't been in my shoes, please. I already have my feelings of being a failure as a mother days. I'd never, ever hurt my children. So don't ever even think I would.

But enough about the depressing stuff, I'm being upbeat, man!

Onto the schooling. I have always dreamed of being a nurse. Well, since high school. Which is like, my whole life. ::laughs:: So at 18, I started college. And after my first semester, I rebelled and got married. Had to stop.. Got pregnant that March/April... Started back to school that fall. Finished out that semester, then gave birth January 8th, 2008. Took that semester off to be with my son. Started up again that fall, did the spring semester, another fall semester, and a spring semester, got pregnant. Did a fall semester, and finished the fall semester, giving birth the last week of my classes. Perfect timing, I only had to miss ONE class. My lovely daughter decided to stay in an extra 6 days, until my doctor said she needed to come out. Looking at my current transcripts, I have completed 30 credits, and have a 3.16 GPA. Pretty awesome, huh? Now, whats sad, is I haven't even STARTED my nursing classes. I've completed my pre-req's and non-nursing classes, but haven't been able to actually START my nursing program. And I now have to wait because there's a year long wait list at the school here, and we're set to PCS by the end of the year... So paying $150 for the entrance exam would be pointless. On the plus side, by the time I start, both kids will be ready for daycare. And that means i got to spend the first year home with my kids. Yay! for bad decisions :) ::laughs:: But once we PCS, I plan on doing the whole schooling thing :) Hopefully there will be night classes, that way I can go to school at night while my husband stays with the kids, therefore eliminating the need to pay out the ying-yang for daycare! Wishful thinking, huh? My goal right now is to get my AA. My BSN can wait, the only real difference between an AA and BSN is the ability to be a manager. Which I don't want. So nanny-nanny-boo-boo. I'll get my AA. It may take a little while, but dangit, I'll get it.

I've also made it my goal to try new recipes out. I'm one of those people who finds something she likes and never strays from it. Example. I always get a Big Mac from McDonald's. Why? Because I know I like it. I always get the Zuppa Toscana soup at Olive Garden. I'm not big on trying new things. I always think, "what if I don't like it?" Time to stop that. Friday night I took a HUGE step, and cooked pork chops. I don't like pork chops. But I tried a new recipe, Sage Pork Chops. Something like that, can't remember the name exactly. Anyway. You need to try it. It was awesome and easy. Mmmmm. I loved them. They'll be in my favorites folder, thats for sure. So after that success, I decided to find some more recipes, and ran across a cooking blog. And ohmygosh, I fell in love reading it. Its my goal to make her meals. Starting with the Cranberry and Sage Chicken... I've never cooked a whole chicken. Nor does Cranberry and Sage sound like a good combination. But if I can try Sage Pork Chops, I can try this. So I'll let you know how it goes :)

Oh! Miss Priss weighs 11.2lbs, as of today. Yay! She's right on track for gaining, at 3 weeks old she weighed 9lb1.5oz, finally hitting her birth weight. She's gaining about 8oz/week, I think. At least, when I did the math, thats what I got! It may be wrong, but still. She's GROWING! Yay! Her big brother weighed in at 31.4lbs, and a whopping 38 inches. He's quite large for his age. Which is great, considering all the problems he had as a baby! But that story's for another blog, if I ever feel like getting into it ::laughs:: He's also speaking in sentences and is loving being able to help with his sister. He loves her to death, and his favorite thing to do is give her kisses and hold her.. Beautiful.

Oh!!! And I met a new friend today. Awesome. :)

But alas, I must wrap this up. Its 5:13 and I need to start dinner.. Hopefully my love gets off soon, I've missed him dearly. Tomorrow is his off day and payday, which means fun for this shop-a-holic! And I can take him with us to take MonkeyButt to play at the Watermelon Patch. Speaking of MonkeyButt, I do believe he just passed out in my lap... Soo sweet.

Until next time!!