A Month into being a Mommy of Two

*checks calendar* A month?!? My baby girl is a month old already? Where did the time go? Can someone explain to me how a month of sleepless nights and rough days managed to disappear in the blink of an eye? It should have dragged on, driving me crazy, made me want to cry... Oh, wait, it did make me cry.

Wowzers, though. I can't believe its been a month since the day I was induced (overdue, mind you, at 40 weeks 6 days). I remember the details so clearly. The night before, I sat up until three am, scared crapless and anxious as I'll ever be. Ready to not be pregnant anymore, ready to give my poor arthritis-ridden hips the relief they so desperately needed. But scared of pitocin. I remember labor with my first, all natural, and how bad that hurt. And the rumors of pitocin had me shaking in my boots. I remember waking up at six am December 7th, 2010. Jumping out of bed after three broken hours of sleep, waking my husband up with a shake, exclaiming "get up baby, its time!" with tears of fright in my eyes. Getting dressed and braving the cold. Shaking in the elevator as we rode up to the seventh floor, losing my voice at the nurses desk, faltering in my steps the way there. Being admitted, putting on the gown, and getting into bed. And crying when the nurse came in.

The numerous failed attempts at an I.V. Which, is odd, considering I have perfect veins, and ever a strung-out dope addict could probably get an I.V. going. And finally, when they started pitocin. The freaking out I did at the first administering of the dose. And then they told me "We'll up your dose every 15 minutes until you're up to 40." Um, 15 minutes?!?! Are they crazy!? I'll die!!! Then I had my first strong contraction... that I didn't feel. And after that, I was O.K. I thought "I can do this." Pitocin started at eight am. At 9:30, my wonderful doctor came in and broke my water. That's when it picked up. By 10:30, I was begging for my epidural. Contractions that never ended, by the time they started to go down, they'd peak all over again. And at 10:50, I got my epidural.... at 10:55, my daughter was born. Ironic, isn't it? I gave into my self-preservation mode and got the epidural, certain I was dying... only I got it too late. So it helped with nothing. I lied, it helped when I got the single needed stitch from tearing, it kept me from needing lydicane. Thank heavens, because that crap burns.

So at 10:55, my nine pound, one ounce baby girl was born. My twenty-two inch, big footed, head full of hair little girl. What was my first question after she was pushed out? Not "Is it a girl?" or "Is she O.K.?", but "does she have any hair??" I was worried she'd be bald, then she wouldn't be able to wear headbands. Don't ask. And this time, my love was able to cut the cord. I love that memory more than anything, watching him participate this time.

The next day, we took her home. And the real fun began. Sleepless nights, fights with weight gain and jaundice, the whole nine yards. And yet, I hardly remember the negatives. Except, of course, for the gnarly growth spurt we just battled through. Breastfeeding an infant for 45 minutes at a time, then giving her a two ounce bottle, only to be woken up thirty minutes later to start all over again is not an easy feat. Then getting up and taking care of a nearly two year old the next morning doesn't exactly work. Two days of that is torture. And I admit, I screamed, I yelled, I cried. Thanks so much to my amazing husband for being patient though. But we're past that now, so snaps to me :)

So here I am, holding my ONE MONTH old as I type. Looking at how much she's grown. Almost out of the 0-3 clothes height wise, but still in them weight wise... Which is uncool, as she'll be drowning in the 3-6s. And I look back at all the joy she's brought to us. Our completed family. The daughter my husband wanted, and the sibling our son needed. He loves her, and because of that I could never wish for anything different.

I love you, baby girl, with all my heart. Despite my initial fears, you are an amazing blessing. So yes, Mommy does love you, and she can't imagine life without you.