I'm a Shop-a-holic...

A window shop-a-holic, that is. I love to go to the stores and browse their merchandise. I'll fill up a cart with things I want to buy... then get cold feet and put all the items back and leave with nothing. While it annoys and confuses my friends and husband, its really for the best. Else I'd be living in a cardboard box feeding my children pieces of newspaper. Yes, thats right. NEWSPAPER. My husband should appreciate my cheapness, right? He does :))

Anyway. Onto my "frugal-ness", as I like to refer to it. Spending money physically HURTS me. It does. In order for me to make a large purchase, I have to really want it, check out my bank account, ask my husband, re-check the bank account, think some more, go home WITHOUT the item, and maybe a week later get it. Usually I don't. Unless its something for my husband or children. Then I just buy :) Anyway. My "problem" comes with lots of upsides. For example, I've got over $10,000 in the bank. And we've been saving money for under 3 years. Which is great. I also don't have a house full of crap. Which I would if I bought any and everything I wanted. As for the downsides.... I get mopey about never getting anything, and I keep things way past their prime, for fear of not having anything. Oh, and I waste a ton of my husband's time with these shopping trips.

So its February. Tax return season. After paying off our car, which took less than a year (snaps to me!), the ahmazing husband said I could get a new washer and dryer set. Now, get this. Since we got married, we've never gotten anything "new" before the past 6 months. A used car, a used crib, a used washer and dryer. Like I said, I'm cheap. If I can get a used one for 1/4 of the price, why not get it??? But this time, my husband wanted to spoil me. So off we go to Sears. Do some looking around and get COMPLETELY ignored by the staff. I got frustrated, so we left. Went to Best Buy. They were realllyyyy pricey, and the one set I wanted was on back order, and they didn't know when they'd get it. Grr. So back to Sears we went. *Finally* got someones attention. I gravitated towards the $329/each set. It was the cheapest they had IN STOCK. It wasn't all fancy-schmancy. It was basic. My husband, however, said NO. He went to the $499 washer and the $459 dryer. And even though I tried to steer him towards the cheap one, he insisted. So fine, I give up, we spent $1,044 and change on a washer and dryer. :/ Way more than I wanted to, but since it made him happy, I'll deal with it. The salesman tells us the washer is in stock, the dryer needs to be ordered but can be here tomorrow. Awesome, I don't plan on doing laundry tonight or tomorrow anyway. Any longer than that, and we're in trouble. A toddler can do that. So o.k. we order it. Come to find out, they say it can't be delivered until the SECOND. Which frustrated me beyond belief. I was ready to say forget it. HOWEVER, since I had already bought the stupid washer, and the love demanded we get a matching set. Ask me, no one cares about whether or not your set MATCHES, only if it WORKS. But alas, the arguing does no good, so I shut up and let him do his thing. So the salesman tells me "It should be here tomorrow, the reason its saying it can't be delivered 'til the 2nd is because i flagged it when i did the first inspection so no one else would get it." *fingers crossed, i'm already frustrated.* It literally took 3 hours to pick and purchase a set. All the meanwhile, my son and daughter were driving me nuts.

But onto something less frustrating. My little boy read to me! Well, I call it reading. He pointed to the animals in his picture book and said each name. He's growing up so big!! He can also tell me he wants "mac-n-cheese", coke, popcorn, and lollipops. And lots of other words, of course. But those are the new ones. He also says "please", "thank you", and "bless you" on his own, no prompting. Yes! My kid has manners!

Oh, speaking of manners. Tech Support never has any. See, today we decided to cancel our cable. They overcharged, half the channels never worked, and nothing was ever on for our son to watch. Major fail, Comcast. And paying $80 for cable that was crappy ticked me off. So we disconnected it, bought a wireless router, a wireless adapter for the Xbox360, and ordered XboxLive and NetFlix. Awesome, right? Uh. No. We can't get the wireless router to connect to our devices, therefore the netflix and XboxLive are useless. So I call the Tech Support for the router, tell them whats going on. Their answer? To tell me its my laptop that isn't working and transfer us around for 30 minutes. Which I might believe, if it wasn't for my laptop connecting to OTHER people's internet. Gah! If anyone can explain to me how to get my computer/Xbox to connect to my wireless, or at least get my wireless to WORK, I'd be eternally grateful. As it is now, I have NO tv to put my son in front of when he asks.... *God, grant me patience*

Stepped on the scale today. Lost more weight. I'm now at 133.2lbs. Which is awesome, I admit. I am only 3.2lbs heavier than my husband, and I have boobies, so its cool. And at 5'7, it looks great. But I'm bumming, because I spent $100 on new clothes, and they're already getting big! Ack! I'm just never happy, it seems.

I must now go wash the dishes and take a break for googling support for this stupid Internet problem I'm having.

Here's to hoping tomorrow goes well!!

Slacker, slacker...

So much for my determination to keep up with my blog. Shame, shame, I need to be put in timeout. LOL! I've just been feeling down lately :( And tired. And just all around lazy. So I didn't want to write any blogs. Besides, they'd probably have been so depressing everyone would become emo. So think of my hiatus as a blessing. 
My poor husband has had to listen to me sob and cry every night for the past week, and I'm sure he's sick of it. So today, after waking up at 11:15am, I made a resolution to *try* and be more positive. And amazingly, today has been an awesome day! I guess sleeping til almost noon can do that to ya, huh? Thankfully my two year old sleeps like his momma, so he was asleep when I got up! Anyway

My husband has been a busy, busy man this week. He had a KIA funeral, and had body watch for the 2 days before the funeral. Up at 5 and home at 10 makes for a very, very exhausted man. Then it was drill weekend starting Friday. Into work at 5 am, having to stay overnight, then not home until 9:30 pm, followed by a wake-up call at 4:45, telling him he needed to be in by 5:30.. And still not home at 4:49pm. Add into that a colicky 7 week old and a two-year old with night frights just doesn't make life joyous. So I was down. I missed my husband, I was exhausted, I was cooped up. Blah.

And I find myself, yet again, dealing with post-partum depression. :( Not as bad as with my son, thankfully. But still bad enough. I've been crying over having two kids. Over having no friends. And over being in college for 3 years with nothing to show for it. Well, except two kids, of course. Damnit, I want my nursing degree. Almost as bad as I want some freaking friends!!! But I digress. I randomly find myself crying because my son can't have all my attention and my daughter is crying. My husband is trying his hardest to make life easy, but when you're exclusively breastfeeding and against using bottles, there's only so much he can do. And listening to your daughter howl in the middle of the night is stressful. It breaks your heart, while making you angry all at the same time. Angry she won't shut up and let you sleep, angry you can't console your own kid. All the while breaking your heart because you know she's in pain, and you know you can't console her. Talk about feeling like a failure. And I admit, there were times I just wanted to throw her. I screamed, I cried, I told my husband I hated, hated, HATED being a mother. Welcome to the world of post-partum ladies. It's not pretty. Do I love my daughter? With all my heart. Her and her brother are my LIFE. I live for them and their accomplishments bring joy to my life. They're what I wake up for everyday, what I strive to make my life better for. But is it hard for me while dealing with this depression? Of course. Don't judge me if you haven't been in my shoes, please. I already have my feelings of being a failure as a mother days. I'd never, ever hurt my children. So don't ever even think I would.

But enough about the depressing stuff, I'm being upbeat, man!

Onto the schooling. I have always dreamed of being a nurse. Well, since high school. Which is like, my whole life. ::laughs:: So at 18, I started college. And after my first semester, I rebelled and got married. Had to stop.. Got pregnant that March/April... Started back to school that fall. Finished out that semester, then gave birth January 8th, 2008. Took that semester off to be with my son. Started up again that fall, did the spring semester, another fall semester, and a spring semester, got pregnant. Did a fall semester, and finished the fall semester, giving birth the last week of my classes. Perfect timing, I only had to miss ONE class. My lovely daughter decided to stay in an extra 6 days, until my doctor said she needed to come out. Looking at my current transcripts, I have completed 30 credits, and have a 3.16 GPA. Pretty awesome, huh? Now, whats sad, is I haven't even STARTED my nursing classes. I've completed my pre-req's and non-nursing classes, but haven't been able to actually START my nursing program. And I now have to wait because there's a year long wait list at the school here, and we're set to PCS by the end of the year... So paying $150 for the entrance exam would be pointless. On the plus side, by the time I start, both kids will be ready for daycare. And that means i got to spend the first year home with my kids. Yay! for bad decisions :) ::laughs:: But once we PCS, I plan on doing the whole schooling thing :) Hopefully there will be night classes, that way I can go to school at night while my husband stays with the kids, therefore eliminating the need to pay out the ying-yang for daycare! Wishful thinking, huh? My goal right now is to get my AA. My BSN can wait, the only real difference between an AA and BSN is the ability to be a manager. Which I don't want. So nanny-nanny-boo-boo. I'll get my AA. It may take a little while, but dangit, I'll get it.

I've also made it my goal to try new recipes out. I'm one of those people who finds something she likes and never strays from it. Example. I always get a Big Mac from McDonald's. Why? Because I know I like it. I always get the Zuppa Toscana soup at Olive Garden. I'm not big on trying new things. I always think, "what if I don't like it?" Time to stop that. Friday night I took a HUGE step, and cooked pork chops. I don't like pork chops. But I tried a new recipe, Sage Pork Chops. Something like that, can't remember the name exactly. Anyway. You need to try it. It was awesome and easy. Mmmmm. I loved them. They'll be in my favorites folder, thats for sure. So after that success, I decided to find some more recipes, and ran across a cooking blog. And ohmygosh, I fell in love reading it. Its my goal to make her meals. Starting with the Cranberry and Sage Chicken... I've never cooked a whole chicken. Nor does Cranberry and Sage sound like a good combination. But if I can try Sage Pork Chops, I can try this. So I'll let you know how it goes :)

Oh! Miss Priss weighs 11.2lbs, as of today. Yay! She's right on track for gaining, at 3 weeks old she weighed 9lb1.5oz, finally hitting her birth weight. She's gaining about 8oz/week, I think. At least, when I did the math, thats what I got! It may be wrong, but still. She's GROWING! Yay! Her big brother weighed in at 31.4lbs, and a whopping 38 inches. He's quite large for his age. Which is great, considering all the problems he had as a baby! But that story's for another blog, if I ever feel like getting into it ::laughs:: He's also speaking in sentences and is loving being able to help with his sister. He loves her to death, and his favorite thing to do is give her kisses and hold her.. Beautiful.

Oh!!! And I met a new friend today. Awesome. :)

But alas, I must wrap this up. Its 5:13 and I need to start dinner.. Hopefully my love gets off soon, I've missed him dearly. Tomorrow is his off day and payday, which means fun for this shop-a-holic! And I can take him with us to take MonkeyButt to play at the Watermelon Patch. Speaking of MonkeyButt, I do believe he just passed out in my lap... Soo sweet.

Until next time!!

Internet Friends

Are the Devil. Literally. What fool thought up the idea to become friends with Internet people? Obviously one who has no concept of real friends. Its so easy to fall for an Internet persona, and consider them a true friend. Until they out of the blue turn on you because it becomes the "cool" thing to do. Been there, done that, got a whole thread made about me :)

Seriously though. Online, you're at the mercy of the other persons honesty. Who knows if they really like you or if they're just pretending to, so they can have ammo to attack you with later. Its not as easy as real life. If you physically hang out, there are clues they don't like you, IE not introducing you to their friends, or it randomly slipping out from a friend that they're smack talking you, not wanting to hang out, etc. But online? They can talk to you whenever they want, and if they don't want to? They can pretend to be busy. Joyful.

Maybe I'm just a very naive girl. No, not maybe. Definitely. I used to be the girl who would get a friend and, if they weren't doing me wrong and were actually interested in my life, would confide anything in them. Epic fail, Lorah. Everything I said was turned against me, and I looked like a fool. Never mind the fact that I was attacked after I was unable to respond to them. But in reality, it made them look pathetic, so it is a good thing they waited until I left the place. And now? Psh. You're lucky if I tell you what size shoe I wear. After that happened, I learned that Internet people aren't who they appear. Are some of them? Sure, I bet they are. I know that I am me, regardless of whether I'm online or in real life. I don't change, its too much work. However, like usual, a few bad apples ruined the group.

And I hope they sleep well. Because I know from firsthand experience they do it all the time. I saw it with my own eyes, even laughed while they did it. And that was my karma. I didn't stick up for those who they hurt, and it became my turn. Lesson learned, Karma! But I know in the end you'll get them too, and it will be good. And the evil part of me wishes I could be there to watch them go down in flames. But that would be a negative thing to do, and then Karma would come back to me. Uh-huh, not wanting that. So instead I go to sleep at night with a smile on my face, wishing the best for them... Because I'm that good :)

Ah well. I've really no time for "Internet friends". I have two little ones to play with, who needs imaginary entities? With a house to clean, a husband to tend to, a toddler to play with, and a newborn to feed, I need all the time I have..... and then some :)

My baby boy Turned 2...

....Yesterday. Man, I'm still in shock. I mean, come on, really? Two already? Not possible. What happened to my baby? The one who just learned to master solids, who just started crawling? Now he's running around like a maniac, talking up a storm. Getting into everything and driving Mommy up a wall. When did this happen? I must have slept for a year and a half, because there's no way its really been 730 days since he was born.

We got to throw his party on his birthday. Yay! for having it fall on a weekend. Yay! for being able to let him pick the theme! Boo!for it being Spongebob. OK, I knew that was going to happen. He's an addict. When he's 30, he's going to be in a SBA group... Spongebobs Anonymous. "Hello, i'm Wyatt and I'm addicted to Spongebob." So we found the cake he wanted, but I didn't want to do a whole cake and ice cream thing, there weren't going to be enough people for a full-sheet. So I opted for a cupcake cake, which had a different icing design, just of the Bikini Bottom background. But I managed to find a Spongebob candle, so it worked out. Found plates, party favor bags, Thank-you notes, and a table clothe and balloon. Yay for mommy! Spent nearly $100 on THAT, which included the party favors/cake... Then turned right around and spent over $100 on food at the party place. My debit card started crying at that.

He was cranky. He had woken up at four am, and stayed up until 7:30am, when Mommy needed to be awake. Since the party was at noon, I needed to be up super early so we could get there in time to set up. And that morning we had to buy the balloons and cake still. So I had a ton to do, including packing up all the party stuff, getting Birthday boy ready, get the baby ready, and myself ready. So I was exhausted. We got to the party area, and were getting set up when the guests arrived. Luckily I was practically done when they arrived. So the party began... With a very clingy, cranky boy. He wouldn't let Daddy out of his sight. Joy. Luckily things got better.

So without boring you with all the details, the party was over long before we made it home :) The birthday boy just wanted to play, so we let him. And he loved it. So all the money spent was worth it. As was the pure exhaustion. We all got home, ate a quick dinner, and passed out.

I must admit, I refuse to close my eyes now. I don't want to wake up and have him be 18 and my daughter be 12. Uncool.

And this isn't witty, nor is it really personal. Its just for my memories :)

Loaded Baked Potato Soup...

Sucks. I made a huge pot of it... and it tasted like crap. Totally my fault, I'm sure.

Add that to my list of things i'm never making again... Along with any breads.

That is all

A Month into being a Mommy of Two

*checks calendar* A month?!? My baby girl is a month old already? Where did the time go? Can someone explain to me how a month of sleepless nights and rough days managed to disappear in the blink of an eye? It should have dragged on, driving me crazy, made me want to cry... Oh, wait, it did make me cry.

Wowzers, though. I can't believe its been a month since the day I was induced (overdue, mind you, at 40 weeks 6 days). I remember the details so clearly. The night before, I sat up until three am, scared crapless and anxious as I'll ever be. Ready to not be pregnant anymore, ready to give my poor arthritis-ridden hips the relief they so desperately needed. But scared of pitocin. I remember labor with my first, all natural, and how bad that hurt. And the rumors of pitocin had me shaking in my boots. I remember waking up at six am December 7th, 2010. Jumping out of bed after three broken hours of sleep, waking my husband up with a shake, exclaiming "get up baby, its time!" with tears of fright in my eyes. Getting dressed and braving the cold. Shaking in the elevator as we rode up to the seventh floor, losing my voice at the nurses desk, faltering in my steps the way there. Being admitted, putting on the gown, and getting into bed. And crying when the nurse came in.

The numerous failed attempts at an I.V. Which, is odd, considering I have perfect veins, and ever a strung-out dope addict could probably get an I.V. going. And finally, when they started pitocin. The freaking out I did at the first administering of the dose. And then they told me "We'll up your dose every 15 minutes until you're up to 40." Um, 15 minutes?!?! Are they crazy!? I'll die!!! Then I had my first strong contraction... that I didn't feel. And after that, I was O.K. I thought "I can do this." Pitocin started at eight am. At 9:30, my wonderful doctor came in and broke my water. That's when it picked up. By 10:30, I was begging for my epidural. Contractions that never ended, by the time they started to go down, they'd peak all over again. And at 10:50, I got my epidural.... at 10:55, my daughter was born. Ironic, isn't it? I gave into my self-preservation mode and got the epidural, certain I was dying... only I got it too late. So it helped with nothing. I lied, it helped when I got the single needed stitch from tearing, it kept me from needing lydicane. Thank heavens, because that crap burns.

So at 10:55, my nine pound, one ounce baby girl was born. My twenty-two inch, big footed, head full of hair little girl. What was my first question after she was pushed out? Not "Is it a girl?" or "Is she O.K.?", but "does she have any hair??" I was worried she'd be bald, then she wouldn't be able to wear headbands. Don't ask. And this time, my love was able to cut the cord. I love that memory more than anything, watching him participate this time.

The next day, we took her home. And the real fun began. Sleepless nights, fights with weight gain and jaundice, the whole nine yards. And yet, I hardly remember the negatives. Except, of course, for the gnarly growth spurt we just battled through. Breastfeeding an infant for 45 minutes at a time, then giving her a two ounce bottle, only to be woken up thirty minutes later to start all over again is not an easy feat. Then getting up and taking care of a nearly two year old the next morning doesn't exactly work. Two days of that is torture. And I admit, I screamed, I yelled, I cried. Thanks so much to my amazing husband for being patient though. But we're past that now, so snaps to me :)

So here I am, holding my ONE MONTH old as I type. Looking at how much she's grown. Almost out of the 0-3 clothes height wise, but still in them weight wise... Which is uncool, as she'll be drowning in the 3-6s. And I look back at all the joy she's brought to us. Our completed family. The daughter my husband wanted, and the sibling our son needed. He loves her, and because of that I could never wish for anything different.

I love you, baby girl, with all my heart. Despite my initial fears, you are an amazing blessing. So yes, Mommy does love you, and she can't imagine life without you.

How to procrastinate like a pro

Looking around my house, I see the arts of a master procrastinator. Seriously. Laundry should have been done 3 days ago. Instead I'm wearing shorts and a tank top in my 60 and under degree house, my sons mismatched, and my daughter? Well, she's got too many clothes to count, so she's warm and toasty. I needed to mop yesterday, so the floor is even dirtier in my mind, even though to outsiders its not that bad. I should have fixed my sons toy two weeks ago, and now he's bringing it to me every twenty seconds saying "uh-oh!" And that's not even everything. His second birthday party is tomorrow (Gosh, my baby will be TWO tomorrow!) and I haven't wrapped his gift, done his party favors, packed the items we're taking up, picked out his outfit, nothing. The only thing i HAVE done is order the cake. And I only remembered to do that while wandering Sam's Club. But when do I have to pick it up? That's right, tomorrow after 10 am.

Which means that tomorrow morning will be an early morning for me. What with a one month old newborn, it seems to take me five HOURS to get everyone properly ready to go. Yesterday I had a shopping date with a friend at 11:30 am. I woke up at SEVEN to start getting myself and two kids ready. Yes, you read that right, four and a half hours early, to get ready. And guess what? At 11:15, I was rushing to get into the car so I could *maybe* make it on time. I barely made it. In fact, I was about five minutes late. Ughhh!

Since I can't be late tomorrow, due to having to claim tables and set up the Spongebob decorations, I'll probably have to be up at midnight to get ready. Joy. I want to be there at least 15 minutes early. Which means I have to tell my husband I want to be 30 minutes early. He's pretty crappy in the morning too. And I have to get the cake, then rush to the other side of town for balloons, then back across town for the party. Oy Vey.

And somewhere, in between the hectic rushing around at home and nursing sessions, I have to manage to make my baby boy a special breakfast! I'm thinking cinnamon rolls, but those take awhile. But they're soo good :) Maybe I'll rush out to Cinnabon and throw away the box, all while claiming I made them. Who knows. Probably not though, that's cheating and my husband would know. Maybe waffles? Mmm I may make those for dinner, they sound delish.

And yet here I am, sitting on the computer, blogging. When I *could* be doing laundry. Or sleeping, since I've been sleep deprived for the past month. Or maybe rescheduling my four week check-up I so conveniently slept through on Wednesday.

Thank heavens birthdays only come once a year.

Behind the Green Eyes

Is a 21 year-old girl, stepping out as a woman. A happy mother of two, who originally only wanted one. A wife at 18, to a man she barely dated. A college dropout, a nerd who sings the FreeCreditScore.com songs, a NCIS-fanatic... A girl who cries at commercials, continually wears heels despite the fact they nearly kill her, can't parallel park, and loves cupcakes, but only if they come from Publix. She can sing you any NickJr theme song, and owns every episode of Spongebob. She's tired and frustrated, and at the same time, revived and content. She's perfectly imperfect, and she wouldn't have it any other way. Because if she wasn't, no one would have anything to remember her by.... And she's ok with being that girl who makes no sense, the goof-ball. After all, its what got her where she is. Her husband, her children, her life.